Kickin' insecurities in the FACE!

A couple of months ago, I was debating going to CrossFit Fire's "Team Saturday" WOD. However, I was severely held back by insecurities: I didn't want to be the person who held down a team and then no one would ever want me on their team. Basically, I was afraid of failure. Confessing these insecurities to a friend, he said something that has stuck with me every time I find myself getting insecure... He told me, "I say you kick insecurities in the face!" Naturally, at that time, it made me giggle/smile real big, but I made excuses and said, "Oh, maybe in another month or so..." I said I'd do it when I was consistently WODing 4 times a week or when I lost 10 more pounds or when I can do pull ups unassisted... Blah, blah, blah. You name it, I used the excuse! 

About a month ago, my brother, who I also CrossFit with, asked me to join him for Team Saturday. I tried to come up with excuses, but then he confessed something to me that made me decide to go and endure it with him. He had never gone to a Team Saturday before and was nervous himself. I knew it was either now or never. If there was anyone who could get me to go with him, it would be my brother. So, I made a deal with him: I told him that I would go IF he made me bacon, eggs, and coffee afterwards. So, we had a deal, and I got my booty up out of bed that next morning.

I'd love to sit here and tell you that I LOVED the workout, but the reality is that I HATED every second of it! I had never wanted to quit that badly in a WOD before, but I didn't. I got through. And wouldn't you know it, I signed up for the torture again the next week. NOT only did I sign up for the torture, but I also signed up for Oly class, where I PRd on my Split Jerk and made it onto the "Record Board" at our gym. I was hooked and have gone every Saturday since (minus one because of my hurt ankle) and plan to continue going as long as nothing interferes with it.

I have to say, I'm SO glad that I finally got up the nerve to "kick insecurity in the face!" Yesterday was an EPIC birthday WOD for one of our coaches and I seriously LOVED every second of this WOD. It was... 

In teams of 3:

2 rounds of:
4:00 AMRAP
5 tire flips
10 push-ups
4:00 AMRAP
10 sandbag shoulder to shoulder push presses
40 yard sandbag sprint
4:00 AMRAP
10 ball slams
10 pull-ups

*only completed rounds count

The rain added to this splendor of this super fun WOD! Oh! And, did I mention that my team won?!?! Insecurity of Team Saturday is officially CRUSHED!Here's my team from Saturday... Not the most photogenic picture, but I was wet and sweaty and just got done with a kick-butt workout!

I have been very intentional this last week of putting in some extra work at CrossFit doing some running, rowing, pull ups, ab work, etc. I've probably been staying half an hour to 45 minutes AFTER my class and it's felt GREAT! I've been super challenged and my body is so beat up, but I love it! Can't wait to do the same thing this week! BOOM!

I am still scared/afraid of failing. Ok, so, I know that this is not an uncommon fear, but I truly am, which is why I am SO hard on myself. However, I've decided that it's time to keep kickin' this on in the face. How? You ask... Well, today I registered for the MetroDash and the LifeAsRx competition. Neither one of those do I think that I will do very well at. Heck, climbing an 8ft wall scares the crap out of me... What if I can't get my booty over it? What if I'm the last one to finish? A CrossFit competition? What if I don't have my pull ups by then? What if I DNF (Do Not Finish)? The thoughts and insecurities and questions are plaguing me right now. But, even if all those fears and insecurities come true, it doesn't matter! I need to prove to myself, not anyone else, that I can conquer my fears. Even if I come in last, it will be a GREAT experience and a really great benchmark for me as a CrossFit athlete. I'm nervous, scared, anxious, insecure, fearful, etc. But, I know I need to do this. I need to kick insecurity in the face :-)

Bring on the Rain!

Ever since last week, my game has been off. I feel like after making some tough choices last Sunday, I have been on sort of n a downward spiral. Kind of like one of those weeks where everything that could go wrong, does... Things just are not going well. Then, the one thing that I felt like was improving, CrossFit, just got crapped on (for lack of better words) as well since I feel like I'm taking like 20 steps back in some areas. It's not the end of the world, and although things don't seem to be improving for me (especially today!), I love that I have my faith to keep me grounded. In times like these in my life, when I feel like life is totally out of control, that's because it IS! Times like these are a good check for me because it helps me remember that I am not in control of my life. That's why, every  morning, I pray for God's will. It helps, when days like today happen to know that there is a bigger picture. There's a bigger picture than what is going on in my life today, especially when I know so many people with so much more going on in their lives than in mine! At CrossFit, there is a bigger picture than the last week and a half; I need to look at the last 5 months. My life is not condensed to this small amount of time that I have on Earth. My new goal, more important goal, is to have an eternal focus in my life. The things of this world are given to me from God; the good and the bad. I have to trust that when life seems most out of control, that it's because He's the most in control. As I was receiving one bad news after another today, this song popped into my head and and it's so empowering... It's by Jo Dee Messina and is called "Bring on The Rain" (click to hear the song):

Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)

[Chorus:]
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
And I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead, no ('cause)

[Chorus]

I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain 

[Chorus]

Bring on the rain; bring on the rain

Bring on the rain 

Bring on, bring on, the rain 



*So... Ya know what life? Bring on the rain because if anyone can hack it, this girl can because of how big her God is! Good luck trying to bring me down because it's not happening without a fight! Can't wait to take out this frustration at CrossFit tomorrow! I can't wait to channel this and focus on other people other than myself :-)

Sometimes, you just have to kick something...

So, I'm going to be totally transparent here: I had a REALLY crap-tastic week, which lead to a carb-tastic diet. My week started out on Sunday with some really tough personal choices that I had to make. I am lucky enough to have such great people in my life to help me walk through those tough situations and help me make the "right" choice for my walk with God and for my life. Although it was a super emotional choice, I know at the end of it, I made the right choice. Monday, I had my first mental block when it comes to pull ups (read previous blog for more details). Tuesday was pretty good... I actually think that's when I PRd with my Front Squat 78kg, which just so happen to make the record board :-) I can feel my strength increasing like no tomorrow and I love it. Unfortunately, my endurance is not catching up as much. Anyway, Wednesday totally threw a loop for my training as I got a REALLY strange stomach bug. I threw up like 3 times in the morning and the rest of the day, although I was able to keep food down, I felt weak and queesey. Thursday morning I felt better and decided to hit The Fort, which I'm SO glad I did because it was another WOD where I got to practice my Double Unders in an AMRAP and I am very pleased with how I did, since I just got semi-cozy with my DUs a couple weeks ago. 

Anyway, to the main event: Friday! I knew I would HATE the WOD because my brother warned me about it... And I did pretty much hate every second of it. My awesome coach, challenged me  in the last round to try unassisted pull-ups again. I got the first few, but after some more thrusters, my mind drew a blank again. It's like I got up to the bar, knew I was struggling with this, and couldn't do it. I was trying and trying and trying and I could NOT get my chin over the bar. I finally got ticked off enough that I kicked the box I was using prior to help me get in the band. Yup! You heard me right: I KICKED IT! AND I'D DO IT AGAIN! Sometimes, you just have to kick things to feel better and let out your anger! I lost for my cool, ripped my hand, and got so ticked off that I just kicked it. I finished the WOD fuming and frustrated with myself and I just stood on the box (yes, the same one I kicked), cried, and tried to listen while my coach and others were encouraging me. Once my usual, rational side of me came back, I felt foolish, apologized, and said appropriate thank yous. I feel like I am strong enough to do pull ups, but for some reason, mentally, it's not coming.  Grrrrrrr... Anyway, actions have consequences. This was mine:

Yup... Sprained my ankle! Although, Friday night, it didn't feel like that! I got home from dinner with my teacher mentor, and it started aching a little bit. So, I iced it. Well, as the night went on, the pain got worse. So much to the point that I was laying in my bed, crying/screaming in pain, and thinking it was broken. After some research, I decided just to treat it like a sprain and see what happened in the morning. When I woke up in the morning, the throbbing was gone, and I was able put weight on it and walk on it. I spent the day treating it, minus making up a sit up and hand stand push up WOD since that doesn't require ankle use AND since I had to miss Oly Class and Team Saturday. I was lucky enough to be able to attend two friend's wedding last night. The pain was bearable and my ankle stood up nicely while dancing mostly on one leg. However, the outfit that I had to sport, was not my first choice. I knew heels would be out of the question and instead of rockin' some fabulous heels, I rocked an ACE bandage and flip flops... I know, I'm REAL classy! LOL!

My diet this week was absolute crap. Not going to lie! I am an emotional sweets eater as it is, combine that with a difficult week, plus I got my "monthly" friend this week (sorry if that's TMI, but I warned you it was SUPER transparent) = LOTS of carbs! I made paleo-friedly-cookies and ate LOTS of 70% dark chocolate and LOTS of fruit! As a result, I'm up 3 pounds (the 3 I lost two weeks ago). I'm hoping that with honing in on my diet this week, that they will come back off. It doesn't help that my mom bought me my FAVORITE treat: 64% cocoa dark chocolate covered almonds. I LOVE her dearly and I love that she knows me so well, but I also have very MINIMAL self-control when it comes to chocolate.

I know my love of all things carbs is one of the reasons why my weight loss is very much on a plateau and I'm sure doesn't help with my performance at CrossFit. Once these Almonds are gone (which it won't be long), I'm going cold turkey without chocolate. Just something I need to do for a while. Maybe until work starts back up again in August... Haven't fully decided, but I need to view treats, even Paleo-friendly-treats, as a TREAT, NOT an everyday part of my diet!

Anyway, despite my craptastic week, there were a FEW bright spots that I don't want to go unnoticed: 

• Front Squat PR
• Power Snatch PR
• Double Unders used again in a WOD
• Extra Credit Rowing
• Midnight showing of Harry Potter
• A stranger telling me that my legs are "jacked"
• The wedding.

With that being said, I would like to say "Congratulations" to John and Kirsten! There is NO DOUBT that God ordained your relationship from the beginning! I feel so blessed to be such a part of your lives and to have shared such a wonderful day with you! I love you both and am praying for your new life together as a married couple! God's love shines through your love for one another :-)

Mental Block!

I have only been CrossFitting for about 5 months now and as I was looking through my WOD book last week, the progress that I have made is CRAZY! I went from scaling from B or C, slowly to A, and now RXing almost every WOD (with a little bit of scaling like bands or boxes for HSPU), makes me feel very proud of my progress. However, as proud as I am of my progress, the longer I CrossFit, the longer my list of things I need to work on becomes. Here are just a few of them:

• Pull ups
• Double Unders
• Burpees
• Rowing
• Running
• Toes to Bar
• Hand Stand Push ups (HSPU)

One character flaw of mine is that I am SUPER hard on myself. If I don't get something, I get really frustrated, which causes a mental block. I have hit a few mental blocks since starting CF and have been able to push through pretty easily. However, I have hit a block that I have not been able to get over. Since my CF box did Fran and I felt like a cheater, I vowed that I would work on pull ups everyday. I also decided to hone in on Double Unders as well. My Double Unders have come a long way and I can't wait to get to use them in a WOD again! And last week, I thought I had FINALLY at long last gotten my pull ups! I was so excited to be able to string 5 together that I vowed to myself that the NEXT pull up WOD, I would go unassisted. 

My CrossFit thoughts were heard and I thought today would have been the PERFECT day to do it! It was a 12 min. AMRAP (As Many Rounds As Possible) of 7 HSPU and 12 pull-ups. An AMRAP?!?! Should be the perfect time to try my pull ups. I knew it would be tricky because it was super hot and muggy and that there would probably be a LOT of slippage on the bar, but I told myself, "Even if I have to get one pull up at a time, I'm doing this without a band!" Well, that was IF I could get one pull up... I couldn't even get one! So, I quickly grabbed a band, and could only string together like 2 at a time! What the heck was the deal here? My coach was telling me that I wasn't using my shoulders like I should in my kip, but for some reason, my body wasn't letting me. It was like there was a disconnect between what my mind KNEW to do from practice and what was actually happening with my body. It was the strangest and most frustrating experience that I have had since Fran a month ago.

I know a part of it is my fault because once I get frustrated with myself, it's difficult for me to shake it off and get back at it. I think I was just so frustrated that I have been practicing so much and didn't feel like I had anything to show for it. And not to anyone else, but to myself. I needed to prove to myself that I could do it and I failed. I actually had to fight back tears during the WOD. So, today, I am reminding myself WHY I fight through and WHY I CrossFit. I CrossFit because (amongst many other reasons)...

• It's a challenge
• There are great people to do it with
• It takes me out of my comfort zone
• It pushes me to the limit
• It's a freaking AMAZING workout
• It has gotten me in better shape than I was in high school when I played 3 sports
• IT'S FUN!

I CrossFit because it's fun! I need to take myself at CrossFit less seriously! Generally in life, I don't take myself seriously (I laugh a LOT at silly things I do), but for some reason, at times, like today, at CrossFit, I take myself too seriously. I just need to relax and not get so down on myself. Should I still practice and try different things? Yes! Absolutely! I got some solid advice from a fellow CrossFitter who told me to practice different movements along with pull ups. So, tomorrow, I'm going to get right back at it, except take that advice; Maybe I will try 5 push ups and 5 pull ups. Or, since I need to work on rowing, maybe I will row 500 meters and do 5 pull ups. I think doing two movements together is what is freaking me out. I need to get over this mental block and remember that I CrossFit because it's fun!

I'm so grateful for the people at CrossFit Fire, who won't allow this mental block to get the best of me and for constantly supporting me and offering solid advice. I will get through this and I will WOD with unassisted pull ups very shortly! Just wait and see :-)

The Difference a Year Can Make!

Many of my fellow-CrossFitters have a blog and one of my good friends that I care about very much takes their blog very seriously. I love to read their blogs for insight and inspiration. I am not vein enough to think that my blog will become a big deal, however, as I was looking back at the changes I have made in my life over the past year, I would like to share my on-going everyday transformations with the people. If I can touch one person through this blog, I will be more than ecstatic. I would love to share my heart over the past year on how I have come to this point. I have made DRASTIC changes in my life spiritually, emotionally, and physically over the past year.


Physically
For anyone who has been a part of my life since February, the physical changes I have made in my life are pretty evident. Since the start of February, I have lost 35 pounds and have gone down 3.5 pant sizes (between sizes right now). I am toning up and losing fat and feel GREAT! What changed? EVERYTHING!!!!!! I drastically changed my dieting lifestyle and how I viewed food by starting on the "paleo plan". If you don't know what paleo is, just type in "paleo diet" in a search engine, and you'll get countless results. It's also known as the "Caveman Diet". If research isn't your strong suite, feel free to ask me! I am very passionate about this! I often direct people to Marks Daily Apple. The second thing I changed is my exercise/training... I joined a CrossFit box called CrossFit Fire, thanks to my awesome brother for introducing it to me. The easiest way to describe CrossFit Fire is boot camp, mixed with personal training in a group setting, with an UNREAL community. Please go to Crossfitfire.com for more information. The only way to describe CrossFit is to do it! I love every second that I'm there and have pushed myself to the limit in more ways than one. I am very blessed to have found this amazing group of people!


Emotionally
For those of you who did not know me before CrossFit, you did not know the completely and totally insecure scared little girl hiding behind an outgoing and bubbly personality. There have been many circumstances in my life that lead me to be scared and insecure... I will not go into detail to them tonight, but I am an open book, and anyone wanting to know more about me, merely has to ask, and I will tell them anything and everything. However, being a part of CrossFit has made me confident in who I am and  who God made me. Even if I only lost 5 pounds, I would still probably feel this confident because of the encouragement I always get at CrossFit. The outgoing, open, and bubbly personality is still there, but now the confidence is real :-)


I also have completed my first year of teaching... Talk about growing up! A career, a budget, getting a new car, and more importantly being entrusted by parents for 22 amazing students! I drastically matured as a person and as a teacher. I learned so much about myself through teaching those children. The biggest challenge in throwing my energy into my first year of teaching, has been learning to live a balanced life, which I finally feel like, in the last three months of school, I was able to achieve. I love my career and have no doubt that I am where I'm meant to be in that, but I also love MANY other aspects of my life. As much as I love it, I do not want my career to define me. I hope to continuing learning to balance my life in my second year. I can't wait :-)


Spiritually
Anyone who holds a conversation with me for more than 5 minutes, knows that I am not shy about my faith. I love to talk about it because as passionate as I am about CrossFit, diet, and teaching, it doesn't even compare to my faith! I wasn't always as bold as I am now. I actually spent last summer through December in a very dark place spiritually. I wasn't as willing and open to talk about it. I was trying to live with one foot in the church and one foot in the world. Over my winter break, I had a HUGE breakthrough! It sounds simple, but hearing it and living it are two VERY different things. I finally put my WHOLE trust in Him in every area knowing that it is because of Him that I have everything I have. My job, is a gift from Him. My family, a gift from Him. My friends, my church, my house, CrossFit, breath, food, etc... It's all from Him! Since then, every morning when I wake up, the first thing I pray is, "Lord, please put me in your will today. I don't know what that looks like, but I know that's what I want." The difference that simple prayer has made in my life is exponential! I still have my struggles, as I am human, but I have never felt closer to God or heard His voice in my heart more clearly than I do now. I continue to struggle with loneliness, but I know I am never alone... Not only am I surrounded by people who love me, but He is with me ALL THE TIME! Holy cow! The God of the Universe is with me ALL THE TIME! He loves me SO much that He demonstrates his grace and mercy on a daily basis when I don't deserve it. So, if I talk to you about my faith, I am NOT trying to put my view on you or make you believe what I believe (in fact, I'd LOVE to hear what others believe as well because beliefs cut to the core of who a person is), I am merely passionate about it. It is what makes me, me and is my driving force in my life :-)


Sooooo, that's about all I have for tonight. I don't know what this blog will look like or if there's even a vision for it. There will probably be a lot of talk on CrossFit, paleo, challenges, and faith... I'm not 100% sure... But, if there's one thing I've learned over the last year of my life, it's that situations in life lead to everyday transformations. I am proof of that.